Millennial Manifesto

Millennials of the World, Unite!

(By the way, who had the audacity to give the whole generation this annoying name?)

We, the infamous Millennials, shrouded in a gluten-free haze of glitter, activism, and mystery;

We, the rebels that are challenged the status quo;

We, the non-traditional citizens that dared to think about our life choices, rather than numbly follow the steps of our high school friends;

We, the power that caused a disturbance in modern society;

We, the endless source of inspiration for the prominent peers of our parents who are writing articles about us for well-established old school newspapers titled ‘Why Millennials Are Just So Horrible?’;

We, the Millennials of the World, from East and West, North and South, hereby declare, manifest and demand the following:

*Also, here is to all overly inquisitive and judgmental aunts Lucys of the world!

1. Respect for the Inviolable Right to Use a Smartphone

During a boring family event where, as per usual, no one is really interested in how are we doing, at least we have our best friend with us: our phone. It really helps to survive the evening. Aunt Lucy puts us down and reminds us that we still don’t earn much, gained/lose too much weight, made tons of unpopular life decisions. We are hearing that we are the identical copy of a black sheep from the family, uncle Steven, that went to jail for illegal alcohol distilling in 1927. Further, the discussion concerns people that we barely know, our old colleagues that we had not spoken to since the last day of the primary school, and their children that we had no idea they already have.

Couldn’t care less, let’s check Instagram. We are clearly not matching in terms of interests but guess what? I’ve just got a match on Tinder, so bye. And let me use my phone.

2. Respect for Our Timing in a Decision-making Process

In the XIX century, people used to get married before they were even 20 years old. However, they used to die quite young as well. Nowadays, we live in a fascinating day and age (called by aunt Lucy ‘the crazy evil times’) that allows us to live much longer. Thus, with increased longevity, can we just acknowledge that the whole life just takes longer, including some major decisions such as getting married, having children, or figuring out the best path for our career? So, yes, aunt Lucy, I am already 30 years old, no husband, no child, no dog. I know that it is hard to imagine. But we live in different times. Aren’t you already 70 years old and still alive? I guess everyone gained some time here, just sayin’.

3. Respect for Our Culinary & Financial Choices

Some of us do prefer to spend our Saturday buying nice ramen and sip a soy latte at our favorite coffee shop rather than cooking at home. Also, we are aware that an avocado toast is just a slice of bread with chopped avocado on it and it is probably very overpriced. However, life is a short but joyful journey. Therefore, enjoying unforgettable experiences of tasting various cuisines while admiring visually pleasant interiors is an inherent part of every respected millennial’s daily/weekly/monthly routine. While lying on our deathbed, we will go back to all those memories of delicious, interesting, and expensive food we had an opportunity to try. At the end of the day, precious moments are what really matters. Besides, let’s be honest: we earn too little to make real savings anyway, so whatever.

4. Respect for Our Flexible and Open-minded Approach to a Career

The career path that the vast majority of boomers generation took was having the same work they got when they were fresh out of college forever. As exciting as it sounds, we, the Millennials, prefer something else and don’t want this lifelong commitment to one workplace, one town, and probably even one pub. We want the jobs we really like and don’t mind working till the very end of our lives, but with plenty of shorter retirement periods in between the jobs. That being said, I am now short-term retired, aunt Lucy, not unemployed.

However insane this concept may sound to some people, we were not brought into this world in order to fulfill our parents’ expectations and to heal their frustrations. It is not our obligation to provide entertainment with our achievements to the entire neighborhood so that our parents and other family members can brag about us, (while still treating us like a piece of shit when we are alone with them).

Our primary duty as human beings is to be happy first and then make others happy, not the opposite.

5. Respect for Our Justified & Well-documented Claims

We are done hearing how millennials are ‘unrealistic’, ‘entitled’ with their diva-like demands. So over it. If complaining about working full-time for free (oh, hello ‘prestigious’ unpaid internships!) is crazy and out of this world, then I have no idea what isn’t. For how long people in their early 30s working full time, must share an apartment as if they were still students? And I am not talking here about ‘Friends’ vibes situation when you really enjoy each other’s company. I am talking about living with random people that we don’t necessarily like. Isn’t a full-time job the adult thing that should allow you to live alone when you have it? Just asking for a friend.

If we are educated/qualified/experienced and just want to get a job that would bring us enough money to cover our (not extravagant) live expenses, it would allow us to go for a holiday once a year and make some savings, is too much, then… maybe we should not listen to our parents in the first place and quit the whole college/university experience in order to focus on actually making money.

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