Disclaimer: It’s all jokes and fun. Please don’t feel offended. If you are, by any chance, a boomer, stop reading.
Boomers. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Hypocrisy, ignorance, narcissism, judgmental attitudes, and lack of empathy characterize the boomers’ approach to younger generations. However, the rule of boomers is officially coming to an end. Us, the Millennials, grew up, and now we finally have the opportunity to address all the unfair accusations. Fortunately, thanks to the Internet and the information about the world it provides, we can be #boomerproof, which means we don’t have to listen to boomers and their bull****.
Wikipedia defines boomers as ‘people born from 1946 and 1964, during the post-World War II baby boom’. Boomers are also known for criticizing every other generation, with the millennials being their favorite targets. ‘Millennials are horrible’; ‘millennials are entitled’; ‘millennials are too emotional’; the list goes on. It seems like boomers have established something like Boomers Life Guidelines (further: the Guidelines) and want to impose their visions on everyone else because they think that they encompass the only proper way of living life. The Guidelines do not entertain the idea of doing something that is your passion; they do not acknowledge the importance of avocado in the kitchen; they promote living in a boomer bubble, detached from reality. They won’t tolerate your choice to focus on yourself first and then have children; they will call you selfish and self-centered for doing that. According to Boomers Life Guidelines, the proper way is to have children first and then be frustrated for having them too early. Jim Jefferies, in his most recent Netflix special, said that millennials are the worse (wow, such cutting-edge statement!) and asked ‘let us be old.’ Well, Jim, let us be young. Overall, why should anyone listen to a group of people for whom the biggest monthly adventure is buying a fancy lawnmower? (more technologically advanced than Karen’s, of course!)
So, here are ten reasons why, as a millennial, I can’t stand boomers. I tried to organize the knowledge I gained through all these years, explaining why boomers are so annoying. Nevertheless, since this list is not exhaustive, I am sure you will find other points that I did not include here — if so, please write them down in the comments below. Also, bearing in mind that to every rule there is an exception, I do think that kind, tolerant, and open-minded boomers exist.
- Boomers have a ‘know-it-all’ attitude, when, in reality, they don’t know anything.
They know everything better even though their life experience boils down to staying in the same town, having the same disappointing job for over 30 years, dysfunctional marriage, or no marriage at all. Boomers usually don’t ask how you really are and what projects are you currently doing at work, because they don’t care about it unless Karen’s son is doing something similar so they can relate or brag about you. Nevertheless, they will give you plenty of unsolicited (and useless) career advice that doesn’t apply to today’s world. For instance, if you left your hometown to chase your dreams, they would urge you to come back and live a boring life because Karen’s children are doing that.
2. Boomers are scared of taking the risk and stay in their comfort zone forever.
‘Qui ne risque rien, n’a rien’ — this French proverb means who doesn’t risk anything, doesn’t have anything as well. However, according to Boomers Life Guidelines, the risk is the worst thing ever, and you should avoid it at all costs, even at the expense of your happiness. Choose the safest path, which would also be the less satisfying, but ‘at least you won’t be disappointed.’ They would tell you about their glorious youth, full of travels and dreams, when they had a chance to make their life much better but were not persistent and courageous to do so. They gave up. Now, they are spreading the message of giving up. Well, guess what, giving up too quickly and never even trying to do something more usually ends with food, Prozac, and alcohol addiction.
3. Boomers, as a generation, did not have to face significant challenges, so they are not inspirational.
The generation before boomers had to be tenacious to survive World War II. Therefore they are indeed inspirational. What kind of challenges had boomers have to overcome? Graduate (or not), get a mediocre job (without going through a complicated and long recruitment process), get married to someone from their high school, and have children without even questioning if they will be good parents. Still, they were paid better than millennials in their prestigious internships — not because they had a better work ethic or skills, but because of the different economic climate, Karen. However, Boomers Life Guidelines do not take into consideration factors such as inflation, financial crisis, conscious parenting, and demographic changes. Hence, according to the Guidelines, if you are thirty years old, but you are not yet a married house owner with two children, you are a loser.
4. Boomers are hypocrites.
‘Someone who says they have particular moral beliefs but behaves in a way that shows these are not sincere’ — this is how Cambridge Dictionary describes hypocrite. This definition sounds like a summary of a boomer to me. Boomers consider themselves to be model citizens. They would express their disapproval of the fact that you are in a long-term relationship without getting married, they would judge their family and friends on their personal life, they would gossip about their work colleagues all the time. However, even in my little Eastern European hometown in the middle of nowhere, our parents’ generation’s love life seems to be a dangerous mixture of Vanderpump Rules and the Bold and the Beautiful (although no one there is neither bold nor beautiful). They are all divorced or never been married at all; they have been cheating, hooking up with each other’s ex- (or current) wives/husbands, pretending there are straight while they are gay. Even for the most dedicated drama lovers, the secret life of boomers would be hard to keep up.
5. Boomers lack self-awareness.
Boomers seem to live on autopilot most of the time. They lack self-awareness because they rarely dedicate time to self-reflection. Oh, I forgot they are so busy! They have many more important things to do, such as going for two hours to supermarket, gardening, gossiping, complaining, stalking their high school sweetheart on Facebook. Therefore, boomers prefer to hide their mental problems under the (100% wool) carpet. Instead of addressing any issues such as unhappy marriage, loneliness, or dull job, they focus on redecorating their house for the third time this year or on choosing the color for the new Volvo (combi). Therapy, yoga, meditation? You won’t find any of that ridiculous millennial weirdness in Boomers Life Guidelines. Destruction of your childhood, projecting anger, and frustrations on family members? Yes, contrary to your bizarre matcha and self-development books, it’s normal. (10 Steps to Survive Toxic Family)
6. Boomers destroyed the Planet.
Well, there you have it. Boomers had a chance to prevent the ecological disaster, but instead, they ignored it, and now we have to deal with it. No wonder Greta asked: ‘how dare you?’.
7. Boomers don’t have a sense of style.
Regardless of their financial status, boomers consider fashion to be stupid and not necessary. That is why they treat the world with their random outfit choices such as a dusty rose T-shirt with sparkly tag ‘sexy’ on it worn together with Nordstrom jacket and Birkenstocks. By the way, Birkenstocks will never be cool, even if the coolest person on Earth will wear them. They are a crime against fashion, and boomers are fashion criminals.
8. Boomers cannot take a proper selfie.
They just can’t.
9. Boomers don’t like experimenting with new food (unless Karen tries something new).
As a general rule, boomers usually eat the same food since they were children, which remains in line with their fear of adventures and challenges. Nevertheless, Boomers Life Guidelines do allow for two exceptions from this rule. Firstly, trying new food is encouraged if Karen has already done it and shared her experience over a monthly barbecue and secondly, unknown food during a summer holiday in Greece or Italy is a must. Be ready to hear, for the rest of your life, a very detailed story about the day when boomers tried sushi or moussaka.
10. Boomers believe everything they see online.
Ok, boomers, please decide: is the Internet bad or good? I seem to recall your vocal concerns in the 90s and early 00s about the damages that can be caused by the enigmatic and invisible thing called the Internet. Back then, boomers created the narrative that the Internet is threatening (in the same way as the Matrix!), that it is a mysterious space full of drug dealers and pedophiles waiting for innocent children. That is why teachers used to ask us for essays concerning the threats that the Internet can potentially have. After a while, boomers got used to it. They started to embrace the web. They even conquered one part of the Internet, where they constituted a Boomer Wonderland — Facebook (invented by millennials). However, they also decided to believe EVERYTHING they read/see online. Boomers concluded that every piece of their’ secret knowledge’ found online has to be immediately shared, so their friends and family would be safe from 5G and Bill Gates (the one boomer that deserves respect).